Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
