The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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