I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
