Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
