finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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