I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize