i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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