At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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