and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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