The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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