forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
