if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
