hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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