Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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