you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
