I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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