I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
