Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Two words: blizzard sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
