I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
