I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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