Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
