Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
