I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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