What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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