His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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