Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize