Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
