yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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