I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
