Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
