I faked an abortion last night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
