Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
