is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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