I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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