there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
