The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
