I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
