I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
