I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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