it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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