i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
