I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
