yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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