You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
