You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
