This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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