I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dicks are not precious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
