New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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