I need to stop coming to work sober
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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