Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
