I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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