I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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