it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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