she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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