seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
