Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
