I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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