just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
