We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
