now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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