Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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