I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
